wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
