hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
