i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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