Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
