seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
