I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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