were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
