I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
