the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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