I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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