I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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