the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
