the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
