I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
