i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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