I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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