is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
