they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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