sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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