Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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