Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
