Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
