as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
