So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
