woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
