I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
