dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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