he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
