We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
