don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
