apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
