I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
