Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
