how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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