I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
