I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
