I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
