One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
operation harelip BJ is a go
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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