I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
