i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
