So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
