you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
