once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
