Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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