I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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