I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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