You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
