You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
