Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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