There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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