the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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