Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your cock deserves a montage
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
