i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
