I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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