I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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