when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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