That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
