Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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