Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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