im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
