Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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