All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What a dumb baby whore.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
