If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
